Fred Phelps is a very bad man. He runs the website godhatesfags.com, which is about how much god hates fags. His son is also an asshole, his name is Tim Phelps. He was on the radio the other night and I called him up. A coast to coast audience of nearly 2 dozen people listened in awe as I laid a "mad diss" on the man.
I have been reading tons of articles by quote "Americans" who think that letting homosexuals get married is a good idea. Well, I don't know what y'all think of the Bible, but I for one like to live my life by it and have read it, and so I know a couple of things.
When you get married, you see, you and your wife let Jesus enter your lives. Therefore, every time you fuck your wife after you get married you're not alone, Jesus is right there fucking her along with you. Jesus is not into dudes. When he sees two guys having sex it freaks him out because he ain't some kind of goddamn tootie-fruity and He doesn't want the guys on the rugby team calling him a fag. I don't know about you, but I think that protecting homosexuals from Jesus' fiery wrath is noble cause and worthy of proper legislation.
What kind of wrath are we talking about? Well, I don't know how many of you are familiar with the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah, but it’s where we get the word “Sodomite,” which basically means fags, along with anybody who has sex in any other sinful positions like standing up, in the mouth, or from behind. The cities really creeped out God, because he wasn’t no fag, neither, and so He killed everybody inside. There was a good man living in the S & G metro, area, though who went by the name of Lot, and God gave him a chance to escape so long as he and his family did not turn back to face the city when they were fleeing. As they escaped, Lot’s wife turned around to take one last look at the town where she had had so much great butt sex, and God turned her into a pillar of salt. Do you want all these poor, misguided homosexuals to be turned into pillars of salt? It happens all the time at gay orgies, but the fags in the media cover it up. After Lot and his two daughters had fully escaped, the girls fed their father intoxicating beverages and then made love to him, which was okay because they were doing it in the missionary position. This is why incestuous couples are never turned into salt, but why homosexuals are often turned into salt.